The Monday Nut

Here’s a phrase I absolutely hate…  Insert tab A into slot B.

Just kidding.  Actually, the phrase I am talking about is “Communing With Nature.”  I keep seeing that from the green crowd, and it always seems to follow some statement about how we humans have destroyed the planet because of our greed, selfishness, idiocy, yada-yada-yada.  I just love how so many people seem to think that we need to “Become one with Mother Earth,” or that we should “return to Ghia’s bosom and live as we were intended to.”

Yes, these are actual phrases said by actual people.

Problem is…  If we live as we were intended to, we would be PREY.

Nature has teeth, claws, venom, crushing coils.  Humans have…  Well, shoot.  We have nothing.  That makes us food.  In the end of Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six, a group of eco-terrorists are left to “live” in the jungles of South America, without guns or any other weapons.  One of the good guys asks his colleague how long he thinks the eco-freaks will survive…the answer was not more than a couple days.  I would be surprised if they all made it through the first night.

Mother Nature is not some wondrous being to be worshipped.  She can be a real bitch sometimes, and anyone who thinks that they are going to “commune” with her and live through it will get their wish to become “one with the Earth.”  I guarantee 90% of these people are hippies who live in some metropolitan area and do some weekend hiking or rock climbing.  They have no clue that living in the wilderness, communing with nature means one thing…SURVIVE.

I also bet most of these “communers” are people who think hunters, gun-owners, and the NRA are just a bunch of rednecks and neanderthals.  But, I bet the moment one gets treed by a pack of ravenous coy-dogs, or even a wandering black bear; the first thing they would think is “God, I wish I had a gun!” 

Oops, sorry…  Remember, you don’t worship God.  You worship Nature, and Nature wants you for dinner.  Please remove yourself from the branch, and let Nature take its course… or appetizer depending on how big you are.  I bet vegans are no more than a mouthful, maybe a pre-appetizer.